| Thursday, August 23, 2007
| Why we must listen carefully !!!
|A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely……
ARE - MY - TEST - RESULTS - BACK? (tis is what he really mean)
|posted by Farhan @ 2:48 PM
| How Technical Support Officer work ???
|Kapi..kerja hang macam ni ka ?? hehee..lawak jaa
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your
CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in
the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still on my desk... sorry....
Tech support: Click on the "my computer" icon on the left of
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen, pal -- don't start getting technical on
me! I'm not Bill Gates!
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says, "Can't find printer." I've even
lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged in to the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is
there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in
apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a
screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the
mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but
how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem
with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a
good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is
under a window, and his printer is working fine.
And last but not least:....
Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen. Now type the letter "" to bring up
the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: ""(pee) ... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
|posted by Farhan @ 2:42 PM
| Wednesday, August 22, 2007
| tips ::how to make a woman happy and a man happy ::
|TO MAKE A WOMEN HAPPY....A MAN ONLY NEEDS TO BE :
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :
44. give her compliments
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME,YOU MUST ALSO :
50. give her lots of
attention, but expect little
51. give her lots of
time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of
space, never worrying about where
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT :
53. Never to forget:
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :
1. Leave him alone
|posted by Farhan @ 9:17 PM
| Monday, August 13, 2007
| Nice jokes
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, “Dad, why do u keep telling people u’re dying of AIDS?”
Answer: “So when I’m dead no one will dare touch ur mom
Stupid Sunny sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, “DELIVERED”.
What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant
Panic is when both are pregnant.
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
So, I don't need all those.......all I need is more credit for more access..........
|posted by Farhan @ 1:53 AM
| Sunday, August 12, 2007
| Aged Women
|What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
p/s: no offence yea...just kidding :D
|posted by Farhan @ 10:59 PM
| Thursday, August 09, 2007
| Menangani Sifat Marah oleh Datuk Dr.Fadzilah Kamsah
|Yeaa...post kali ini pula khas untuk Cik Wanie kita yang telah merequest tajuk seperti di atas. Ceramah atau tips tersebut berlangsung selama 58 minit ini sangat menarik untuk dijadikan panduan dalam kehidupan seharian kita.
Dari tips yang disampaikan tersebut, penulis baru mengetahui bahawa sifat marah seseorang itu berlangsung hanyalah selama 4 minit, yang selebihnya adalah EMOSI. Nak tahu lebih lanjut lagi silalah mendownload. Penulis di sini sekadar mahu berkongsi idea dan bahan ilmiah yang difikirkan berguna.
Tips menangani sifat marah oleh Datuk Dr.Fadzilah Kamsah
Dengar-dengarkan...dan selamat beramal..... :D
|posted by Farhan @ 1:15 PM
| Wednesday, August 08, 2007
| Malaysia pon ada Transformers...Malaysia Boleh !!!
|posted by Farhan @ 2:18 AM
| Tuesday, August 07, 2007
| Petua Jatuh Cinta oleh Datuk Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah
|Yeaa...post kali ini ditujukan khas kepada kawan-kawan seperjuangan, terutama kepada Tokapi yang sudah berkerjaya dan sedang mencari-cari. Tak dilupakan juga kepada Wanie, Jep, Nazri dan Shahril serta beberapa lagi kawan2 yang sedang memburu cinta atau sedang dilamun cinta atau sewaktu dengannya. Hahahahahaahahahaaaaa
Petua ini juga bukan sahaja untuk para remaja yang sedang memburu atau sedang bercinta, tetapi juga sesuai untuk suami isteri bagi mengharmonikan lagi rumahtangga yang dibina. Heheehee...
Siri Petua Jatuh Cinta ini mempunyai sehingga 10 siri disampaikan oleh penceramah dan kaunselor terkenal negara iaitu Datuk Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah. Oleh itu marilah kita sama-sama mengambil tips2 tersebut untuk diamalkan. Penulis di sini sekadar mahu berkongsi benda yang yang difikirkan baik.
Petua Jatuh Cinta 1
Petua Jatuh Cinta 2
Petua Jatuh Cinta 3
Petua Jatuh Cinta 4
Petua Jatuh Cinta 5
Petua Jatuh Cinta 6
Petua Jatuh Cinta 7
Petua Jatuh Cinta 8
Petua Jatuh Cinta 9
Petua Jatuh Cinta 10
Dengar-dengarkan...dan selamat beramal..... :D
|posted by Farhan @ 8:09 PM
| Friday, August 03, 2007
| What MEN / WOMEN Says and What their actual Meanings.
|What MEN / WOMEN Says and What their actual Meanings.
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Fine, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you idiot!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is s@x all you ever think about?
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have s@x now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have s@x?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have s@x with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have s@x with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have s@x with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have s@x with you
|posted by Farhan @ 10:50 AM
| World's shortest essay competition
|Here's an example of absolute brilliance.... An English university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:
The prize-winner wrote:
"My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is."
|posted by Farhan @ 10:35 AM
| If Shanghai Bank speaks Malay
|posted by Farhan @ 10:27 AM
| Kenapa Laki Mempunyai Kawan Yg Lg Bagus Dr Pompuan
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about.
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife tha the had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
|posted by Farhan @ 10:22 AM
| Fahami ayat-ayat perempuan...hehee
|1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half anhour. If she is telling you only 5 more minutes of television, shemeans it.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This meanssomething, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin withnothing usually end in "Fine". (See defintion #1).
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission - Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbalstatement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks youare an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here andarguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning ofnothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements awomen can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think longand hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you - do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying "%@&* YOU!"
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do severaltimes, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a manasking "what's wrong" - for the woman's response. (Refer to definition#3.)
|posted by Farhan @ 10:17 AM